The Official "Which part of your body would you mutilate if Alfie leaves?" Post

by Bonk's Mullet

If Daniel Alfredsson decides to leave the Ottawa Senators, it's important to be prepared. If you're a Sens fan, it's likely that you have already puked all over yourself after reading that last sentence. Take a moment to clean yourself off.

Your entire emotional sanity is most likely inextricably linked to Alfie's relationship with the community, so it's okay to be scared. What was once laughed at as rumour mongering, it appears to be a real possibility that Alfie might be on his way out the door.

It's important to decide in advance how you would deal with your sudden onset depression. On Twitter I asked "Which part of your body will you mutilate if Alfie leaves the team?" It's important that when all hell breaks loose in Ottawa, you remember your self-mutilation plan.

Below are my favourite responses. "Liver" was the most popular answer, so I would invest in LCBO stock while you still can.

Liver. RT @BonksMullet: Question for Sens fans: Which part of your body will you mutilate if Alfie leaves the team?
— The 6th Sens (@6thSens) July 5, 2013

@bonksmullet when you jump off a 12-storey building there won't be much body parts left to mutilate
— Dew.A (@SensDewie19) July 5, 2013

@BonksMullet Hair, will grow an Afro
— Chris Gregorio (@luwedge) July 5, 2013

@BonksMullet I'm @Senatron, a Robot. I can put my arm back on, but you can't, so Play safe.
— Senatron (@Senatron) July 5, 2013

@BonksMullet My eyes so I never have to see him in another Jersey.
— SilkyMitts (@SilkyMitts1) July 5, 2013

@BonksMullet the part of my brain that has to do with memory.
— Synthetek (@SYNTHeTEKnet) July 5, 2013

@BonksMullet I wouldn't go that far, but I wouldn't wear pants for the rest of my life. #DepressedRihannaing #ComeHomeAlfie
— Chad Ror (@C_RORRIS) July 5, 2013

@BonksMullet my heart. Will actually stop being a fan of hockey all together.
— Kevin (@havey03) July 5, 2013

@BonksMullet Im gonna snap my ulna in disgust, as i think i can still make it through being a parent with just a broken arm.
— Brian Kemp (@BrianJKemp) July 5, 2013

@BonksMullet Easy. My already-broken heart.
— Jon Rowe (@jcokn) July 5, 2013

@BonksMullet lets just say I won't be able to play shirtless ping pong anymore
— bojan antic (@BojanAntic) July 5, 2013

@BonksMullet foot. Backleg roundhouse kick to jp barrys head.
— biancosaurus (@BiancoAnthony) July 5, 2013

@BonksMullet The part where my wallet resides... Going to be quite a void there after all the money I spend griefing management
— Donny G (@TheDonnyG33) July 5, 2013

@BonksMullet anything that spurs a sensory memory of Him. Smell, sight, hearing, touch... Don't want to deal.
— Elsa Cousineau (@CousineauE) July 5, 2013

@BonksMullet my wallet, as I will have to purchase his new jersey :(
— Dante Scaffidi (@dantescaffidi) July 5, 2013